Is it your weekend coming up? Are you a little nervous about how things will go? There's a reason. You have no plan. It's time to get one. Here's why;
1. Kids need structure. I am sure you've heard this one before, but let me decode it for you a bit. It does not mean you have to have every single waking minute of the day planned for your kids. You do not have to be a micro manager of their time. Simply put though, a general overview of what's going to happen for the day or weekend gives you and your kids an expectation, which is much better than coming over, plopping down on the couch and watching TV while you keep pitching activities to them. Guess what? Asking them if they want to go to a movie or to the park or whatever over and over again makes them realize that you do not think about them at all until they are right in front of you.
2. Everyone respects the guy with the plan. Think about where you work. Doesn't the guy who got the promotion (maybe it's you!) always have a plan? You will enjoy it (I promise). Your kids will be better behaved because they are not bored. Your ex will respect it--especially when your kids tell her about the good quality time they had with you. If you have a new girlfriend or wife, they will be much more at ease because she will be able to see she is a part of it!
Get Started.
1. Plan the year. Seriously? Yep. Totally doable and takes maybe an hour. When do you have your kids? Every other weekend? Once a week? Start a yahoo or google calendar. Even Outlook works for this. Put in your weekend and visitation dates as a recurring appointment for at least one year. Then go through it and plug all the dates onto an Excel spreadsheet. Note all of dates and when you or you ex has your kids. I just do mine by the "weekend of." Plug in all of the holidays. If it's your year for 4th of July, note it and follow through with all of the other holidays. Then make some notes for schedule conflicts; does your ex have your kids on the weekend that Father's Day falls on, are you scheduled to have them on your ex's birthday? Note those dates as conflicts and add in the possible solution. Swapping for different days and weekends is way easier 4 months ahead of time than 1 day before. My ex an I have a poor arrangement for Christmas. I have my son Christmas Eve and she has him Christmas day. It is a huge pain to figure out when you want to travel for the holidays, etc. But it much easier to come to an agreement early on in the year than on December 20. Double check it with your significant other and your business calendar to find any other conflicts.
2. Email it to your ex and get the buy in. Preface it as "a solution for both of you." She will either like the idea or be pissed off she didn't think of it first. Either way, its a victory for you. Regardless, it takes on the appearance of extending the olive branch and shows everyone involved that you are making the effort to make things better for your kids.
3. Make that Excel Spreadsheet be your bible. You now have the tool to refer back to whenever a conflict arises. Work trip, weekend trip, vacation for you and your kids, etc. Plug all of the confirmed dates into your calendar and you're ready to go.
4. Plan some fun things for the year. Want to take your kids to the ball game? Check the team schedule out at www.mlb.com. Find tickets for the weekends or weekdays you have your kids. Note: Most, if not all baseball teams have "kids days" during the regular season. You and your kids will have a much better time if you know exactly what's going on those days at the park. I am going to post a new article on how to take your kids to a ballgame and not only survive but enjoy it, soon. How about skiing? Or going to an indoor water park? I'll have more ideas for you in coming articles as well.
5. Now that you have the buy-in, you need to plan what is going on this weekend. And no, planning to go to a movie 15 minutes before you pick up your kids from school does not count as planning. Get out a sheet of paper for each one of your kids and put their name at the top. Write the hours from 8 am to bedtime along the side. For the weekend, even things that seem boring count as an activity. You need to incorporate your kids lives into yours. Every weekend should not be "having a blast with Good-Time-Weekend-Dad." But there are some quick things you need to put on the schedule that will quickly fill up the days. 1. Breakfast. Normally, for you, its 10 minutes from cooking to clean up. With kids, its longer. Give yourself an hour. Let them help make breakfast if you want to, definitely have them help clean up. 2. If your kids are small, or one of them is, you need to schedule in a nap time. If you are going to take them somewhere, put in the travel times as well. Until I started doing this, my son's nap times would seemingly start after we for instance, went to the zoo. Well that didn't figure well into the zoo being 40 minutes away and he needs to go to the bathroom and he needs to eat something. Falling asleep in the car makes it almost impossible to move him out of the car once home without waking him up and then you have a cranky kid on your hands. See how this works? 3. An afternoon activity. Play in the park. Play baseball. Go grocery shopping. Visit their grandparents. 4. Dinner. Stay home and cook? Go out? get take out? Know where and what you're doing and it will pay off big time. 5. Bath time. Again, you?--maybe 15 min. Your kids? Probably at least 45-60 minutes for bath, teeth brushing, final bathroom trip, pajamas on, lay out clothes for the next day, read two stories, say prayers, say goodnight to all of the stuffed animals, check for monsters in the closet, tuck them in, goodnight kiss and then lights out. Starting this process at 8:30 p.m. makes for very tired and very cranky kids later on because they are not actually getting to bed until 9:30 or 10.
6. Check your plan after the kids go to sleep and see what worked and what didn't. Do it when it is still fresh in your mind, not when you are trying to plan the next weekend. Make notes and get ready to tweak your plan for the next weekend accordingly. Save your notes. It makes a great way to remember all of the fun things you've done with your kids and the new things they will be learning over the years. Does that mean you should build a scrapbook with pictures and confetti and bubble letters? NO. This is a Dad's site, remember? You can stash it in a 3-ring binder or a file. Add some pictures in there if you want.
By taking charge and building a plan, it has made my time with my son much more enjoyable. He and I both know what to expect during the day and less time is wasted on figuring out what to do and all of the logistics involved. It also makes dealing with my ex-wife a lot easier, with fewer last minute changes about who has my son and when. Of course things come up. One day, one hour, one minute before we have something planned, but being able to figure it out and re-write the rest of the day in a few minutes sure beats the alternative.
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